Trust – My Mantra for 2018
As a special needs parent, I spend a lot of time relying on others for help. You might think that because I rely on so many people, that trust comes easy to me. It doesn’t. In fact, the hardest thing for me to do is trust. But since I just told you that I rely on lots people for support, you might be asking why. The best answer I can give you is that I am a special needs parent. Yes, it is because I am a special needs parent that I rely on others, and yet it is also the reason why trust does not come easy to me.
You see, I have been to the puppet show and I have seen the strings. I have seen that things don’t always go the way we would expect. So often the prayers that we pray seemingly go unanswered, and the healing never happens. So yes, trust is hard.
I have seen tiny bodies laying in what is loosely called an orphanage waiting in agony for someone to see them. But, when a mom and a dad do finally come to love them, they are too broken inside to love them back. I have seen the trauma that comes from parents who refuse to provide for their children. I have seen the trauma that comes from a system that is supposed to protect these children, but is too broken to be effective.
These are the reasons that trust comes so very hard for me. But, in that same light, these are also the reasons that I need to trust even more, not in the broken systems or the lonely orphanages. I need to trust in the one who is truly in control. And that is not the me.
Oh, but I want it to be me. I want to take charge and find solutions and make things happen. The thing is, each and every time I try to take charge, I end up failing. But, when I give up the reigns and let God do the leading, things seem to have a way of working so much better.
So this year, the word that will inspire me to be better and grow as a person is trust. It would seem that I am not alone in this need for trust. DailyVerses.net lists more than 40 verses devoted to just that.
Apparently even the Bible warriors of old had an issue with it. One of my favorite stories from the Bible is when Jesus calmed the storm for the distrusting disciples (Mark 4:35-41). And of course I love the story of Peter walking with the Lord on the water, only to turn away and sink in his lack of trust (Matthew 14:22-33). I can completely relate to his lack of trust too. There are many days that I am Peter.
But, the great news for me, is that God knows about my lack of trust. He has always known. It’s the reason that there are so many verses on the subject. He knows that I am a slow learner, and not even twenty verses would do the trick. It is in this God that I put my trust. The God who loves me, truly knows my weakness, and chooses to love me anyway.
So this year, I will Trust in the Lord with all of my heart and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). What will your word be this year?
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